Love and marriage

AFTER almost five decades, Mr Can’t Attach, Won’t Attach has decided life is indeed too short, and he is attaching in the most momentous way possible.
The death of a close friend has spurred him on to live life to the full, so he has bitten the proverbial bullet, and asked Juicy Lucy from pilates class to be his wife.
No one is more delighted for him than me. Well, apart from my mum.
Knowing him as I do, I can completely understand why he wasn’t taken seriously when the subject of marriage first came up.
So, I can imagine how Juicy must have felt when, on a visit to his mum’s memorial bench in the middle of the city, he got down on one knee and proposed. It’s just as well she had somewhere to sit.
Before this story, I was finding it to hard believe there was a single romantic bone in his body. He was definitely in contention for the ‘least sentimental man I know’ title by his own admission. Considering the first thing I heard about this girl (and when I say girl I mean only five years older than me) was that her flat was on the same road as his beloved football ground you can see why.
Now here he was describing a scene straight from a Richard Curtis movie.
He’s currently preparing for a ‘Meet the Tuckers’ style weekend, where he will not only meet her parents for the first time, but will ask her dad for permission to marry her. I’ve told him not to get involved in any scenario which involves an antique vase full of grandmama’s ashes and grumpy looking cats; and to make sure that her dad isn’t actually an ex-CIA special agent with a polygraph test waiting for him in the basement.
The wedding date has just about been set, pending this weekend’s outcome, and I have offered my services as bridesmaid/usherette/guest. Somehow, I think it’s his turn to not take me seriously.
Talk about life imitating art — I always considered him to be most like the Sex and the City’s Mr Big of my life. One of my friends even turned a bit ‘Charlotte’ and exclaimed that could have been me — then pointed out the parallel of when Big married Natasha. This ‘Carrie’ will not be crying over this wedding announcement.
I know it would never have been me; there will never be the moment on a Parisian bridge where he tells me it’s always been me.
And he can relax to the the news that there will be no ‘Graduate’ style wedding hi-jack either. I wish nothing but the best to both of them, and can only hope that his new-found romantic tendencies last long enough to cover the impending nuptuals.
I’ve been surprised over the last fortnight at the reaction to my last column. I thought I was on to a new thing with the whole internet dating thing — but it seems some close acquaintances are already on the case.
After a false start, with my profile being rejected, I chose love at ‘second site’.
This was my latest message: “Alan, Andy, Barry, Chris, Craig, Danny, David, Frank, John Paul, Kenny, Kev, Kevin, Mike, Raj, Rob, Simon, Steve, Steven, Stuart and Trevor have viewed your profile in the last 24 hours. 67 people have viewed your profile in the last week”.
I haven’t actually done anything about it — I’m just sitting back smugly, lapping up all the cyber-attention my ‘not-too-dissimilar’ profile has been generating.
I’m fascinated at what people write about, and what they genuinely think will attract people.
Example one: “I thought all my Christmases had come at once when I read your profile.” Lucky me!
Example two: “I’m happily married but am looking for some discreet friendship anywhere in Scotland, can travel.” What a catch — and he can travel!
Example three: “I walk up to a woman and she says hi. I then say I am having a bad day and well the rest is history.” I was never very good at history at school, but I think he is fighting a losing battle.
My friend is enjoying continued success with this selection process, so I figure it can’t be good for both of us.
I’m actually really enjoying being single just now. I’m learning to like my own company again and I think I need to do this before I expect anyone else to.
Mr Can Marry, Will Marry and his news has completely shaken me to the core.
It got me to thinking that life is too short; that you will meet the right person if you just relax and enjoy life; that you can deserve to find happiness regardless of past mistakes; and most importantly that you can’t change what’s already gone, but you can make changes for what is to come.
Sometimes you just have to let people realise things for themselves.