Last thing on my mind

LOVE was definitely in the air in the run up to Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately it related more to my score in a dismal game of badminton than my current romantic state.
I’m writing this on February 13, but I think it’s fair to expect absolutely nothing special tomorrow, considering last year was the first (and only) in my history that I was included in the whole scheme of things.
Instead I’m celebrating the fact that, perhaps for the first year, I am single, and I really don’t mind. I know I’m not alone.
It’s also the first year in I don’t-know-how-long that I haven’t sent a token, knowing it won’t be reciprocated.
I also know that it’s not my fault. A demographic imbalance in the 1850s meant there were 400,000 more women than men in Britain. One in four women were single and one in three would never marry. The massive losses in the wars which ensued only added to this mismatch of figures.
Personally I have grown tired of the self-pity I have been guilty of exuding over the last wee while. It adds to my new-found attitude in life — if you aren’t happy with something, don’t complain — do something about it. Every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.
There are only so many times I have led with a ‘woe is me — I’m single’ approach without any action behind it. My life and I are not compatible for a relationship at the minute. Hopefully the changes I’m making will accommodate that and other interests.
Like all good things, this column must now come to an end.
It originally started when I was frustrated about being single on yet another Valentine’s Day two years ago and snowballed into a jovial look at life through a young, twenty-something’s eyes.
It therefore seems fitting that I’ve chosen this saintly day to end this particular relationship. Feel free to inundate me with requests for it continue — however these will only serve as an ego trip and will do nothing to sway my decision!
It’s like it was a long-running TV series, but now all the main characters have either left, or have run out of steam on the storyline front.
It’s also one sacrifice I am making in an attempt to find ‘closure’.
My elders just laugh and say that closure didn’t exist when they were my age, but until you achieve it you can berate it as one of the most overused words in the English language. When you achieve it, it’s the best feeling. And you’ll know.
At the end of last year I endeavoured to put to rest any negativity and conflict in my life, to have a fresh start for 2006.
The latest step in this masterplan happened last weekend, when the ‘closure’ of an old relationship gave me the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time.
The incident in question was long overdue, and some may say ‘why go over old ground’ but it was something I just needed to do. All relationships have an ending, but not all have closure, you see.
The biggest step was to meet up with my Favourite Ex. I had reached a point where I was completely fine with being just good friends, but that’s all very well when you only speak to them on the phone.
While I was in that frame of mind I had to see him in front of me to be able to say to myself: “Yeah, I’m over you.”
In fact I was so comfortable with it that I even told him. And his mum.
And that my friend, as Rachel famously said in Friends, is what they call closure.
Sure, I’ll still be jealous when he tells me about his new girlfriend or wife, but it’s only because I’ll be losing the closeness of a friendship that no girlfriend or wife (and I include myself in that) should have to put up with.
I’d like to thank everyone who has been supportive of this little project. Perhaps it wouldn’t have lasted as long, had it not been for the encouraging words, advice and anecdotes that have spawned most of the columns.
I’ve often ended with a quote which sums up what I’ve been trying to say.
“If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as improbable fiction,” from Twelfth Night sums up not only my column, but my life so far.
Thanks for watching, but now the curtains must close on this scene.