LOVE was definitely in the air in the run up to Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately it related more to my score in a dismal game of badminton than my current romantic state.
I’m writing this on February 13, but I think it’s fair to expect absolutely nothing special tomorrow, considering last year was the first (and only) in my history that I was included in the whole scheme of things.
Instead I’m celebrating the fact that, perhaps for the first year, I am single, and I really don’t mind. I know I’m not alone.
It’s also the first year in I don’t-know-how-long that I haven’t sent a token, knowing it won’t be reciprocated.
I also know that it’s not my fault. A demographic imbalance in the 1850s meant there were 400,000 more women than men in Britain. One in four women were single and one in three would never marry. The massive losses in the wars which ensued only added to this mismatch of figures.
Personally I have grown tired of the self-pity I have been guilty of exuding over the last wee while. It adds to my new-found attitude in life — if you aren’t happy with something, don’t complain — do something about it. Every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.
There are only so many times I have led with a ‘woe is me — I’m single’ approach without any action behind it. My life and I are not compatible for a relationship at the minute. Hopefully the changes I’m making will accommodate that and other interests.
Like all good things, this column must now come to an end.
It originally started when I was frustrated about being single on yet another Valentine’s Day two years ago and snowballed into a jovial look at life through a young, twenty-something’s eyes.
It therefore seems fitting that I’ve chosen this saintly day to end this particular relationship. Feel free to inundate me with requests for it continue — however these will only serve as an ego trip and will do nothing to sway my decision!
It’s like it was a long-running TV series, but now all the main characters have either left, or have run out of steam on the storyline front.
It’s also one sacrifice I am making in an attempt to find ‘closure’.
My elders just laugh and say that closure didn’t exist when they were my age, but until you achieve it you can berate it as one of the most overused words in the English language. When you achieve it, it’s the best feeling. And you’ll know.
At the end of last year I endeavoured to put to rest any negativity and conflict in my life, to have a fresh start for 2006.
The latest step in this masterplan happened last weekend, when the ‘closure’ of an old relationship gave me the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time.
The incident in question was long overdue, and some may say ‘why go over old ground’ but it was something I just needed to do. All relationships have an ending, but not all have closure, you see.
The biggest step was to meet up with my Favourite Ex. I had reached a point where I was completely fine with being just good friends, but that’s all very well when you only speak to them on the phone.
While I was in that frame of mind I had to see him in front of me to be able to say to myself: “Yeah, I’m over you.”
In fact I was so comfortable with it that I even told him. And his mum.
And that my friend, as Rachel famously said in Friends, is what they call closure.
Sure, I’ll still be jealous when he tells me about his new girlfriend or wife, but it’s only because I’ll be losing the closeness of a friendship that no girlfriend or wife (and I include myself in that) should have to put up with.
I’d like to thank everyone who has been supportive of this little project. Perhaps it wouldn’t have lasted as long, had it not been for the encouraging words, advice and anecdotes that have spawned most of the columns.
I’ve often ended with a quote which sums up what I’ve been trying to say.
“If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as improbable fiction,” from Twelfth Night sums up not only my column, but my life so far.
Thanks for watching, but now the curtains must close on this scene.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Breaking the habit
JANUARY is supposed to be the most ‘depressing month of year’ due to the return to work after the Christmas holidays, combined with the financial hangover from the festive period.
It’s also the period when you’re most likely to renege on New Year’s resolutions — but not this soldier.
I have been most effectual since 2006 dawned. I decided this year not to make resolutions, rather set myself some goals which I could work towards. These were attainable targets like passing my driving test, finishing DIY projects and trying to lose some weight and get fitter in the process. I also added another one after I’d gone to press last week, which was to cut down my alcohol intake.
So last weekend, instead of painting the town red, it was my kitchen that got the crimson treatment. It’s been every colour on a DIY store’s paint chart, but now I have reached the desired effect and I can finally close the door on that project, after a mere four years.
I’ve also booked my first driving lesson after a seven year break, transferred my diary dates into the 2006 edition, put smoke alarms up and written thank you cards for Christmas presents — something I haven’t done since I was about ten.
This may not seem that big a deal to most, but considering I usually don’t get round to these kind of things until March onwards I’m quite chuffed with myself.
The most exciting piece of news however is that I’m four pounds lighter than when I resolved to lose weight. And now, after booking a two week summer Spanish fiesta, I have an incentive. I WILL wear that bikini!
If I had to do it by counting calories and carbs the novelty would soon wear off, so if my system continues to get it off and keep it off that’s good enough for me.
I think the biggest change I’ve made is swapping fizzy drinks with diluting juice.
I’ve also been cutting down on in between snacks, eating healthier, and taking more exercise, and I don’t mean time in the gym — that too is unsustainable for me! I hate to hark back to the Gavin Hastings adverts of old, but walking a mile is just as good as running a mile.
Research has also shown that by breaking the habits that made you put on weight in the first place, you can lose pounds without obsessing about food.
“When you are on a food diet you become very sensitive to external cues and are using your willpower all the time and trying not to think about food. Unfortunately the opposite happens,” says one psychologist.
It’s all down to behavioural flexibility, they say. If you become more flexible in your daily life you’ll not only lose weight but you will be happier and more successful in all areas of your life.
One example given is a woman who went a different way to work and saw a poster for a choir. She now goes to the choir twice a week, and so is not sitting in front of the telly eating, and has since lost weight.
I put forward this piece of psychology to my friend who is trying to quit smoking. She says it’s not the nicotine that she is missing, but the action and habit of smoking.
I have every faith that if she puts her mind to it she will succeed. I think she needs a distraction, a new hobby to replace the time when she would sit, doing nothing and opt to fill this time with lighting up. She just needs to find that ‘thing’.
As with any outsider, it’s all very well for me to give advice about something I have no experience of, but it’s just my way of helping.
I can’t finish this instalment without touching on the incredible ego-trip which is Celebrity Big Brother 2006.
If you’d asked me three weeks ago what I thought about Jodie Marsh, I wouldn’t have wasted my words on her. I held a preconceived opinion of her, shared I’m sure by most of the British public, and indeed her fellow house mates
That aside, the way that she was treated in that house was absolutely ridiculous. Never did I think I would say it but I felt really sorry for her.
When I heard that Michael Barrymore may be going into the house I was delighted. I’d grown up admiring the funny man, and had read his account of his time in rehab years before his eventual demise. To say that he’s ‘not in the right place right now’ is an understatement. What an idiot!
And don’t even get me started on George Galloway. I thought I was going to bring up my low fat yoghurt when his cat impression aired.
You can’t help but laugh at Pete Burns’s antics — maybe not always with him but at him. I can’t recall who said it but one of the male house mates, quite early on, said that he looked like what they would want their perfect woman to look like.
Is this where I’m going wrong?
It’s also the period when you’re most likely to renege on New Year’s resolutions — but not this soldier.
I have been most effectual since 2006 dawned. I decided this year not to make resolutions, rather set myself some goals which I could work towards. These were attainable targets like passing my driving test, finishing DIY projects and trying to lose some weight and get fitter in the process. I also added another one after I’d gone to press last week, which was to cut down my alcohol intake.
So last weekend, instead of painting the town red, it was my kitchen that got the crimson treatment. It’s been every colour on a DIY store’s paint chart, but now I have reached the desired effect and I can finally close the door on that project, after a mere four years.
I’ve also booked my first driving lesson after a seven year break, transferred my diary dates into the 2006 edition, put smoke alarms up and written thank you cards for Christmas presents — something I haven’t done since I was about ten.
This may not seem that big a deal to most, but considering I usually don’t get round to these kind of things until March onwards I’m quite chuffed with myself.
The most exciting piece of news however is that I’m four pounds lighter than when I resolved to lose weight. And now, after booking a two week summer Spanish fiesta, I have an incentive. I WILL wear that bikini!
If I had to do it by counting calories and carbs the novelty would soon wear off, so if my system continues to get it off and keep it off that’s good enough for me.
I think the biggest change I’ve made is swapping fizzy drinks with diluting juice.
I’ve also been cutting down on in between snacks, eating healthier, and taking more exercise, and I don’t mean time in the gym — that too is unsustainable for me! I hate to hark back to the Gavin Hastings adverts of old, but walking a mile is just as good as running a mile.
Research has also shown that by breaking the habits that made you put on weight in the first place, you can lose pounds without obsessing about food.
“When you are on a food diet you become very sensitive to external cues and are using your willpower all the time and trying not to think about food. Unfortunately the opposite happens,” says one psychologist.
It’s all down to behavioural flexibility, they say. If you become more flexible in your daily life you’ll not only lose weight but you will be happier and more successful in all areas of your life.
One example given is a woman who went a different way to work and saw a poster for a choir. She now goes to the choir twice a week, and so is not sitting in front of the telly eating, and has since lost weight.
I put forward this piece of psychology to my friend who is trying to quit smoking. She says it’s not the nicotine that she is missing, but the action and habit of smoking.
I have every faith that if she puts her mind to it she will succeed. I think she needs a distraction, a new hobby to replace the time when she would sit, doing nothing and opt to fill this time with lighting up. She just needs to find that ‘thing’.
As with any outsider, it’s all very well for me to give advice about something I have no experience of, but it’s just my way of helping.
I can’t finish this instalment without touching on the incredible ego-trip which is Celebrity Big Brother 2006.
If you’d asked me three weeks ago what I thought about Jodie Marsh, I wouldn’t have wasted my words on her. I held a preconceived opinion of her, shared I’m sure by most of the British public, and indeed her fellow house mates
That aside, the way that she was treated in that house was absolutely ridiculous. Never did I think I would say it but I felt really sorry for her.
When I heard that Michael Barrymore may be going into the house I was delighted. I’d grown up admiring the funny man, and had read his account of his time in rehab years before his eventual demise. To say that he’s ‘not in the right place right now’ is an understatement. What an idiot!
And don’t even get me started on George Galloway. I thought I was going to bring up my low fat yoghurt when his cat impression aired.
You can’t help but laugh at Pete Burns’s antics — maybe not always with him but at him. I can’t recall who said it but one of the male house mates, quite early on, said that he looked like what they would want their perfect woman to look like.
Is this where I’m going wrong?
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Do or diet
WHY is it that not until you’re running in slush to get your bus do you realise there is a hole in your boot, and that the said slush is now seeping up your socks?
Why also is it that it’s not until you’re on the bus that you discover you have picked up two left handed gloves, and that the jumper you pulled out of the dryer may not have been quite as dry as you would have liked?
And worst of all, why is it that when you have guilt-free spending power you can’t find the one thing you actually need, to save your toes from frostbite? Alas, the law of Sod. Despite it being a new year, some things will never change.
I hope everyone had a very happy and peaceful Christmas time and a festive new year period. How many of you got either a cheese board or an evening bag? These seemed to be the top choices for gift buying.
I know someone who has already started buying for this year, taking the opportunity of this year’s sales ‘slump’ to buy up the bargains. I couldn’t really be bothered with it, apart from the fact I needed to replace my holey boots. I don’t like seeing things I’ve bought going for half price — I’m allowed to say cynical things like that now that Christmas is past.
I don’t know about anyone else, but didn’t 2005 just fly in and out? It probably had something to do with the fact that we started looking forward to the end of the year half way through it.
It makes you wonder when ‘Christmas’ will start this year.
Like never before, I’ve been bombarded with people asking about resolutions. Apparently there was something about the moon on Hogmanay which has some relevance to making or breaking resolutions this year. Can you tell I wasn’t paying attention when it was explained to me?
Like most people I rarely stick to resolutions — they’re usually thrown out with the last of the food and drink you promised you would cut down on.
This time I’ve decided instead upon a few aims which are far more reachable, like passing my driving test, finishing DIY projects started over the last four years, and generally improving the quality of my life for a better future.
Part of this is going to be looking after my body more; losing weight and getting fit. I could feel the inches piling on as I sat last night surrounded by a delectable feast of chocolates, crisps, cheese and biscuits, and shortbread.
It’s really silly — at no other time of the year would I eat so much junk in one sitting, but that was my final blow out; the diet really was starting tomorrow.
Now I’m planning sensible and realistic routines and methods for my 2006 summer body.
I’m not too keen on diets because I’m not disciplined enough to stick to them, especially when there is anything you need to count. And it’s such a minefield isn’t it? One group will say their’s is foolproof and everyone else’s is bad for you and vice versa.
I tend to work with what I’ve got and not go out and buy things especially.
The best diet I have tried came from a college friend and we called it the Five C’s diet. It’ll probably have another name, endorsed and copyrighted by some nutritionist or out of work actor, but it worked for me.
Basically you have to cut out the five Cs: Chocolate, crisps, cake, carbonated drinks and cookies (and all things biscuit like). I think my weekly trip to see Mr McDonald will also have to stop. His sandwiches although ‘healthy’ are still very more-ish. I don’t want to fall into the ‘Marjory Dawes’ pitfall of halving the portions so you can eat double the amount.
I’ve always liked fruit, but I’m now also starting to get into my vegetables too so I’m hoping it will be a success.
I have a dress size aim, a physical weight aim, and a body shape aim so I’m hoping they’ll amount to the same thing. I’ll stop when I reach one of them, whichever is first, and see what happens. I tend not to have a problem losing the weight — it’s maintaining it.
I’ll never be Kate Moss, but I’d rather not be Vanessa Feltz either.
The most important change I’ll be making this year is working towards my ambitions, now that I have some again. They are entirely different from those I held this time last year, but in a funny way something that has been there all along.
It’ll take drive and commitment — things I’ll hopefully have left over from my diet — but I’m determined to succeed. Only time will tell.
Why also is it that it’s not until you’re on the bus that you discover you have picked up two left handed gloves, and that the jumper you pulled out of the dryer may not have been quite as dry as you would have liked?
And worst of all, why is it that when you have guilt-free spending power you can’t find the one thing you actually need, to save your toes from frostbite? Alas, the law of Sod. Despite it being a new year, some things will never change.
I hope everyone had a very happy and peaceful Christmas time and a festive new year period. How many of you got either a cheese board or an evening bag? These seemed to be the top choices for gift buying.
I know someone who has already started buying for this year, taking the opportunity of this year’s sales ‘slump’ to buy up the bargains. I couldn’t really be bothered with it, apart from the fact I needed to replace my holey boots. I don’t like seeing things I’ve bought going for half price — I’m allowed to say cynical things like that now that Christmas is past.
I don’t know about anyone else, but didn’t 2005 just fly in and out? It probably had something to do with the fact that we started looking forward to the end of the year half way through it.
It makes you wonder when ‘Christmas’ will start this year.
Like never before, I’ve been bombarded with people asking about resolutions. Apparently there was something about the moon on Hogmanay which has some relevance to making or breaking resolutions this year. Can you tell I wasn’t paying attention when it was explained to me?
Like most people I rarely stick to resolutions — they’re usually thrown out with the last of the food and drink you promised you would cut down on.
This time I’ve decided instead upon a few aims which are far more reachable, like passing my driving test, finishing DIY projects started over the last four years, and generally improving the quality of my life for a better future.
Part of this is going to be looking after my body more; losing weight and getting fit. I could feel the inches piling on as I sat last night surrounded by a delectable feast of chocolates, crisps, cheese and biscuits, and shortbread.
It’s really silly — at no other time of the year would I eat so much junk in one sitting, but that was my final blow out; the diet really was starting tomorrow.
Now I’m planning sensible and realistic routines and methods for my 2006 summer body.
I’m not too keen on diets because I’m not disciplined enough to stick to them, especially when there is anything you need to count. And it’s such a minefield isn’t it? One group will say their’s is foolproof and everyone else’s is bad for you and vice versa.
I tend to work with what I’ve got and not go out and buy things especially.
The best diet I have tried came from a college friend and we called it the Five C’s diet. It’ll probably have another name, endorsed and copyrighted by some nutritionist or out of work actor, but it worked for me.
Basically you have to cut out the five Cs: Chocolate, crisps, cake, carbonated drinks and cookies (and all things biscuit like). I think my weekly trip to see Mr McDonald will also have to stop. His sandwiches although ‘healthy’ are still very more-ish. I don’t want to fall into the ‘Marjory Dawes’ pitfall of halving the portions so you can eat double the amount.
I’ve always liked fruit, but I’m now also starting to get into my vegetables too so I’m hoping it will be a success.
I have a dress size aim, a physical weight aim, and a body shape aim so I’m hoping they’ll amount to the same thing. I’ll stop when I reach one of them, whichever is first, and see what happens. I tend not to have a problem losing the weight — it’s maintaining it.
I’ll never be Kate Moss, but I’d rather not be Vanessa Feltz either.
The most important change I’ll be making this year is working towards my ambitions, now that I have some again. They are entirely different from those I held this time last year, but in a funny way something that has been there all along.
It’ll take drive and commitment — things I’ll hopefully have left over from my diet — but I’m determined to succeed. Only time will tell.
